Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
