Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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