I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
