My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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