I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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