Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize