idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
