He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize