When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
