I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
