This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
