i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize