It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
