I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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