dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
