I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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