Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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