I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
