Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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