question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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