New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
