saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
