He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
