fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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