Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
