I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
