I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
