he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone shattered a urinal.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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