she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
