I can text with my tongue
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
