Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
