so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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