you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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