I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
