I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
