Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
