I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
