the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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