On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
