Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
