somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
