You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
