Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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