Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
