Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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