Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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