i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
