I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
