It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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