We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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