i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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