you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
