I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
