I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
