Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
