I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
