escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
