Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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