Princesses don't give blow jobs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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