apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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