I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
