jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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