Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize