So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
they need to just BURY HIM!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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