Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
