I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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