i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
