Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I party with great urgency now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
