your room smells of hookers.
And success
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
