I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
