Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
please come you make the beer taste better
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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