At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
