The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
