I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
