when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
