big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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