It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
