jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
