Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
